Dear Chidinma,

I write this letter from the room I’ve stayed in Brooklyn watching my reflection in the window. My reflection is with a full head of hair like I’ve worn it for the past 4 days, happy, tall. My face, a face I’ve seen too many times gleams. The entirety of me is high. Not from the gummies Sesan encouraged me to get days ago in Gotham but in the words of Solange, seeing things I imagined. BET awards 2013 started us on what has materialised into nearly a decade long interest in Jermaine, hiphop and what it takes to become a rapper. A lot has changed from then till now. He doesn’t wear his bottoms where the curve of his ass stops and he had zero necklace or bracelets on. Few things haven’t though, Cole still tells his stories in over beats, shakes hands of people in the audience, gesticulates and moves swiftly across the stage in all black. I know this for sure because I just saw him do so in Barclays Center. This time, there was no Miguel, still no backing track and no background dancers. Just lil ol’ Jermaine with every ounce of strength in his veins like he said in Fire squad.

I’d had a long day you see. I walked the entire length of Brooklyn bridge, walked through Chinatown, took the Staten Island ferry, found myself at the bottom of the Manhattan bridge by way of visiting the market my host, Chidi recommended. I even had to go back to the house to switch bags because big ones aren't allowed at Barclays. When I got to my seat, my feet were hurting and I was at the rim of questioning my decision to be here instead of in bed with a movie. But before the question could settle, all the lights in the center went out and upstaged it. People started screaming and their excitement revived my already waning one. I looked down to tie my small “the fall off tour” white towel to my bag and when I looked up, there on the big screen, in a sea of screaming fans on the other side of the arena was Jermaine in his black hoodie on top of his black round neck holding a microphone. The way he enters is almost exactly like he’s living out the lyrics to the intro track, “a spaceship lands on Mars, I wanna be where you are…” the incredible guitar riff reverberated throughout the arena and from that moment on, everything - the foot pain, my low battery, the fact that I’d not had anything to eat since the dumplings I had for lunch in Chinatown faded away. I was looking at someone we’ve listened to, watched through different phases of our short life. From walking from class back to hostel in University to running through roads in Gwarinpa trying to figure out life post grad, to running through roads in Ogudu, working out in Berlin in and out of employment. I don’t know when I heard my voice among the screaming voices in the arena. I’m surprised that I can still hear my voice now. I fully expected to lose it like I lost my tiredness and shyness. I only got tickets to the concert in the morning because I was worried about not knowing a lot of songs from the latest album. It’s a 24 track album. Aside from the length of, recently, I find myself pressing play to a lot more R&B, alternative R&B and soul. You might find this surprising, I do a little too. Alem pushed me off the fence after he saw the show some two weeks ago. “Please ensure you make it at all cost. It was an amazing show. The guy sabi like master.”

Since I wasn’t yet prepared to go through the album from top, I found a tour setlist and listened to it because I hate to be at a concert chewing my mouth. As J.Cole moved through the first 6 songs, I found myself, unfortunately, chewing my mouth. I also chastised myself. Can you believe we finally made it to a J.Cole show and there are songs we don’t know the words to? But just at the nick of time, “THE VILLE” appeared on the big screen and the beat to Tale of 2 Citiez came on and the rapper in me roared like the very many leos in my life. You already know Tale of 2 Citiez is about dreams - having them, working towards them, being dissatisfied after you achieve them. Last year and the year before, when I wanted things and couldn’t get them, watching people around me get their own things, this line would pop into my consciousness at random: “Tired of seein’ niggas flaunt, I wanna flaunt too nigga.” The line itself and the way he delivers it is so honest and raw like I’ve been clapping for others when will it be my own turn?

The show continues with songs I know so I’m up and rapping. There’s a bit of a break to find who’d do Johnny P’s Caddy challenge rap and the lady beside me who also came solo smiles and alludes to our fears at the start of the show, “he’s doing old songs, yay!” I nod and smile big and face my money in all back running across the stage rapping. He picks a guy in glasses and they rap together. I use the opportunity to rest from rapping.

Remember those nights in 2015 till 2019 before the move to Lagos? Spectranet was free from 12-4am. You’d stay up all night watching J.Cole’s concert videos, concert BTS, listening to mixtapes that weren’t on streaming or torrent, stage setups, rehearsals etc so when he launched into a small speech about the next song he was going to perform how he’s not sure people in the audience would know it, I know I wasn’t the person he was talking to. I didn’t know which exact song he was referring to because artists switch songs per city at times but I knew that if it was an old song, I’d know it. “THE COME UP” appears on the big screen and “Lights please” starts playing and instantly I’m transported to my room in House 6 when I first heard it on The Warm Up mixtape. Up next was 2face from Friday night Lights. To me, Friday Nights Light is skipless. It’s a perfect mixtape like Doechi’s Alligator bites never heal. On some Friday nights years ago, I’d play it to whine down for the week mostly because of the title. He did “In the morning” from it and he started with “baby you summertime fine…” I blushed because as if it was for me specifically. I’m rewatching the many videos I made now and to all those who I have given grief about making multiple videos during concerts, I’ve come with my tail between my legs. Please, do accept my heartfelt and sincere apologies. I made so many videos tonight that my phone stopped me from making more because of storage, and even at that, I found a way to fix it and made more videos. I took a small break from rapping, deleted my apps, old pictures and restarted my phone to make room for more videos. Don’t think I waited till the very last minute, no. The next todo item on my list this morning after buying the ticket was to move pictures and phone from my phone and iCloud to my hard drive so Apple will not do to me what they did to me but Apple is like an addict, insatiable.

“THE FALL OFF” appeared on the screen and the beat to Wet Dreamz dropped. “Let me take y’all back when..” and I literally went back to before Spotify and streaming became status quo, when new albums dropped, someone would download it and with flash or hard drive or bluetooth, I’d collect it. I listen to albums chronologically but when Pelumi was transferring 2014 Forest hills drive that day in her room to me, she made me listen to Wet Dreamz immediately because of the storytelling and the theme. Who shares a story about losing their virginity in this fashion? Chatter came later that the story was fictional. In any case, I was and still am very fascinated by it because of its slice of life. Something small, often and typically overlooked that happens in life that is now turned into something tangible. Something that a filled arena is rapping. Something many people can understand and relate to. At 10:54pm, GOMD came on and I’m salty because he did only the first verse and I really wanted to hear the second verse. GOMD is important to me because it was the beginning of what is now Okem, my first animated film. Then he proceeded to make me even more salty when he launched into a speech for the lovers. “If you’re here with your baby boo, put your hands round your baby boo..” and I was just there, single as shit and worse, the people beside me on my right were a couple. They were also all huggy and clingy all night. At this pronouncement, they turned that shit up in my single face and I sighed so deep. Jeramine kindly asked us without baby boos to still make some noise and prayed that ours is on the way and we go the distance. He did Life sentences then the arena lit up for Love Yourz. Everyone had flashlights on like it was some kind of candlelight thing while he reminded us that no matter what, there’s no such thing like a life that’s better than Yourz. (I don’t know the jury's out on that) Then Power trip, the song that introduced me to him that night in University watching BET awards and as I sang with him and my co-fans, I reflected on my life from then till now. Earlier, I couldn't find a video. Cole was excited to be in NY and shared how he grew up in Queens and used to sell his CDs. How one of his dreams was to be on world stage and he’s here. No Role Modelz was the last song. In it, he raps, “Prophecies that I made way back in the 'Ville, fulfilled” at this point in 2014, he had fulfilled his dream of becoming a world known rapper, achieved success. Now, this is 2026, he has achieved even way more. Drawing a parallel to my life from 2014 when I first listened to the album, I’m seeing Jermaine. I was doing so in a city I’ve wanted to visit for too many years now. I’ve always wanted to take a solo trip and I was on one and I wanted something next with writing, humor and sound and I’m doing so with Okem now. I too in many ways can rap “Prophecies that I made way back in the 'Ville, fulfilled.”

TLDR:

Listening to:

The videos I made from the concert as I'm trying desperately to hold on to the high. Even though I've tried to fit the night into words above, its still lacking. I hope he gives a concert live album like he did with FHD.